Plans

Well, what a dream my life has become. I am no longer in control of who I am, or how I feel. I long for the sun in Covina, and I miss the way the wind would go through my hair as I rode my bike around town. How did things become so twisted and distorted? I have made up my mind and plan on moving back, but my only concerns now are the people who I am going to be leaving behind. I love this house, and the people who share it with me, but my well being is something I am not willing to sacrifice in order to stay. As a GOOD man once told me, "Your first obligation is to yourself." I agree, but at what costs should we look out for number one?

I am taking this very hard, and though I long for Covina, I still love it out here. I guess it's something I need to accept, I can't make everyone happy. I also feel there was a reason I came here, and not to just escape, but to help or teach. I think I have done that, and it's now time to move on. I've helped the one who needed my help but back home they need my help as well. Trouble is brewing and I'm needed.

It's very egotistical to speak this way but I believe it's the truth. At the moment I'm feeling restless, and scared, and just a plethora of different emotions. Well, I plan on moving back before April is up, and I also plan to tie up any loose ends that may need tying. Here we go folks, let's get this train rolling.

Happy Thoughts....



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In Transit

What a life this is my little ones, isn't it? There is so much going on at the moment, and I'm not sure how to deal with it all. To begin with, I am up for a promotion at the place where I work. This is a good thing, and if all goes well I can be up for a manager position in three months or less.

If that all happens I plan on applying for a manager position back home in California. I miss it, and I really want to go back. I love the people I live with and I would never do anything to hurt them but I need to do what is best for me, and if it means going back home for school and/or a better job, I will. C.H., S.B., M.M., and C.Y. are some pretty cool people, and I love them with all that i am, but again, this isn't their life or show, it's mine.

On another note, I was cheated on by my boyfriend and now I have no trust for men. It's simple as that, I don't trust them. I joke that maybe I'll become a Lesbian, but the thought of vagina both frightens and disgusts me. I guess all I can really do at the moment is my best and see where the wind takes me. I'm getting the same feeling I did when I was about to move out here, a sort of restless itch inside my soul.

And that brings me back to the roommates again doesn't it? I don't know how I will survive in California without them, or at my parents home for that matter. Things are so much simpler living on my own, and moving back in with my parents means that loss of freedom. Having to let people know where I'm going or what I'm doing isn't my style. Here, I can come and go as I please, and I don't need to worry about coming in late, or at all. maybe I should rethink this, but I can't, I need to go back to school. After I have my degree I'll come back, and if I'm lucky maybe they will have me back in the house with them.

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