Is This Love?

Why does it hurt more than expected? I guess that's today's question, why does it hurt more than what you think it will? Since I haven't had time (or effort) to update frequently I'll catch you up a bit on the goings on in my life. So since I last wrote things have pretty much gone down hill, I no longer live with my boyfriend and that is one mess in itself, and we're on the verge/already have broken up. Notice how I didn't specify? That's because I'm not sure if we're together or not, it's a complicated order at this point in time.
Well after my last post things only got worse for us, he became more distant and his mother more hostile. It was to the point that I couldn't even go down stairs for some water or food, yeah insane right? Well I talked to my mother, can you tell we're mama's boys, and she just told me to get out and move back home. This is the last thing I ever wanted to do because firstly, I knew moving out would only widen the distance between Nate and I, in more way then one, and secondly because I've been on my own for a long while now and I like my freedom.
Anyhow I moved out and I figured I'd still be going over regularly and seeing him and cuddling, but this wasn't the case at all. His mother threw a huge fit and banned me from the house all together, causing a fight between he and his family. I felt like shit because it's his dream home and his family, I didn't want to cause any problems for him or them, I just wanted to be with my boyfriend.
Well apparently they made up and that made me feel happy but the cost was my not being able to go over at all. Ever. I found this out and almost died right there on the spot, how could someone forbid you to see the person you love? I can't go over at night, weekends, during the day, or even in another dimension apparently.
Through this though Nate started getting into the habit of telling white lies. I call them white lies because I guess that's what they are, but to me a lie is a lie.
He lied about his whereabouts, he went to hang out with some nasty little whore when he said he was at his friends house. He lied about not being home when he was, which isn't a big deal but why lie?
So all of that has been baring down on me/us and I'm not sure where we stand anymore. I do love him, I love him more than I have ever loved anyone and more than I thought possible.
How do you deal with that kind of love?
Anyhow today is the chopping block, I left him his house key and took almost all of my stuff from his house. There are only a few things left there, which I can grab at a later time when I know what's going on for sure.
I went to SF this weekend and he kind of broke up with me there because I called him out on a lie and he didn't like it. It was an ugly fight where he called me psycho and told me he couldn't deal with me anymore. I cried, to put it simply. I cried inside of a few bars and just couldn't handle. I even came back a day early because I didn't want to deal with people or the world. The drive back was quick and full of tears, at one point I had to stop because I couldn't see straight, yeah it was bad...
I just looked at how much I wrote and I realize that I just vented to you, if there is a you, and for that I apologize. Anyhow, I'm sitting on the couch which is also my bed, trying not to breakdown again and wondering if it's even worth it to go on? Not in a life kind of way, but with our relationship. What do you think, I've always depended on the kind words of strangers.

Happy Thoughts...