Postcards From Far Away

"A weekend is nothing, a weekend can't do much, but it can sure as hell change your life."

There is a reason there are two titles to this post. First off most, if not all, of the titles to my blog are song titles that go with the blog topic, and two because this blog post is about something that commands more than what I can offer. This past weekend was one that can not be described with words, it is something that legends are made of. Yeah I say this a lot and I may be overreacting, but to be honest it did change my life. How is it that my life which seemed so plain and average, can be uprooted and rearranged before my eyes, let alone in a span of 96 hours.

What happened that did this to me you may ask? Well if you follow my blog than you know I was at JACC which we totally annihilated the competition, and while there I got a glimpse of some things that I wanted and knew I must have. Though, to be honest, at the moment I didn't recognize what was happening.

I slept in a king sized bed, shared a room with three other guys, and ate very unhealthy. I woke each morning not knowing what I was going to do, but managed to stay entertained. I laughed, cried, cheered and argued, but was always in a haze of excitment. Yes I am a free man, but not as I once was. I tasted vicory, and even a little bit of what college life is supposed to be, and now I want more. I want to be away from home in a nice comfy bed, I want frieds who I live with and share good times and bad. I want to feel the unity I did, I want to wake each morning not worrying about who's going to judge me.

JACC was something that will not, and cannot be forgotten. Though the people may change, and I promise they will, I won't let the memories of what we accomplished die. Ha, I sound like some weird person who cannot let things go, and you know what, I can't.

Happy Thoughts...

Viva La Vida!

Pride. What is it and how do we come by it? When is it wrong, and when is it right? Is there such thing as too much, or too little? All of these questions and more don't matter in the slightest, that is if your a winner.

Tonight has been one that has been burned into my memory, to remain there till long after I've died. How is this possible, and what am I talking about? Well for starters

LIVE FROM SACRAMENTO, IT'S JACC!!!!

OK now to explain; as a school our journalism department competes and various competition, bot at state and local levels. The object is to be the best in what you do and take home awards, a big fat "duh" right? OK so last fall we went to the local competition at CSUF and took home I believe 30+ awards including General Excellence for Substance Magazine(it means we are so good there was no category for us.)

Tonight though we were all on edge because this is state and there are far more school than in so cal. We sat anticipating what awards were going to be ours and which ones we would shrug off. I sat as the newspaper awards were named and yeah, we got some, but I was waiting for the magazine awards to be announced. As the first ones came up there was general unease between us all, we did not win it. As more came up though, we started seeing it, Mt. San Antonio. Photo; Aldo Padilla, Feature story; Mary Obyed, Sara Heady, And General Excellence; Substance magazine.



We Cheers our asses off, and I even started to loose my voice, this was incredible, and it wasn't over, General Excellence for the Mountaineer, was I going insane, how could this be real? We laughed, we hugged, Toni even cried! Man I have never been so happy to be part of journalism in my life. We literally set the bar for all these people here, they need to work their asses off to beat us.



For now, I can sleep comfortably because I KNOW there is only more to come. Goodnight, and Good Luck!



Happy Thoughts....

Teresa, are you doing ok?

During times of great suffering and torment, sometimes all you need is a friend, a person who will be there to listen to all you have to say and not judge, or interrupt. Today was one of those days, not for me but for my bestie, Teresa. Her grandmother recently passed away, and it has been tough on her, with her family not really agreeing on what to do for the arrangements and all.

Today I was supposed to go to school and help do somethings around campus, and you know be me, but while I was in the shower I got a call from an unknown number and despite my better judgement, I picked up. It was Teresa. At first I didn't realize it be cause she was crying and after a moment, I began to freak because she never cried in front of me. I listened to what she was saying and as she asked me to go visit her, and talk I realized it was a moment that I will live a million times over.

I pedaled my bike as fast as I could to get to her house, and when I did her dad was outside with one of his friends. I walked in not bothering to knock, only going straight to her room. She was sitting on her bed eating soup, and i could see a tear in her eye, it killed me on so many levels. I sat next to her and ask what was happening, and she told me everything, from beginning to end. She told me how her family wasn't getting along and how they were not doing what was best for the dearly departed.

All of this was freaking her out, and to make matters worse she is was sick. Not a fun thing to be going through, wouldn't you agree? Now I know I have gone through the dynamics of our friendship once before, but in case you missed that episode, let me explain briefly.

She and I are like two pees in a pod, we ARE Will & Grace. Our whole friendship was based on compassion and equal agitation at several people, it is that that allowed us to become the friends we are now. She is my one and only, my soul mate, my love and my life...In a gay way, no Heterosexuality in here he he.

So as you can see, she means alot to me. It hurts to see her like that, and I will be here for her. Let me leave y'all with a final thought; I hope y'all have a friendship that matches ours, because it is the best, and in truth, I doubt anyone does.

Happy Thoughts...

P.S.
Don't be pissed, you know I love you. <3

Hella Good

Well last night was a trip, to say the least. So many things went down, and it ended with my world spinning endlessly as I begged sleep to take me into it's gentle arms. "What does this mean?" you may ask, well let me explain the way only a person of my corrupted frame of thinking can.

It started out as a regular day(if there ever was such a thing) with my getting ready for work. I showered, got dressed and headed out. During the car ride I spoke with my folks about how they leave me while the whole family has a family outing, and how it hurts because even though they say it's unintentional, they do it a bit too often for it to be. This led to a small argument about how I'm never home and that they won't consult me whenever they feel like going out. I was pretty pissed about but couldn't dwell on it too long, I had arrived at work and needed to get into happy mode.

I walk in smile at one of the assistant managers, and head upstairs. Upon getting to the break room, I see Allison, who is now one of my mortal enemies at the theater. We start a polite conversation about how work sucks, and she proceeds to rub the fact that she works more than me in my face. I do my best to ignore it, and head down to do my job. When I get there I am told that my shift is cancelled, sucks right? So I leave and walk to Emily's house and than she takes me to Teresa's, where she makes me some food, and we watch some T.V. it was chill.

About a few hours after I get there I get a call from Tory, asking what I was doing, and if I wanted to hang out later. I think for a moment, will I have time to hang out with him and still go to hookah with the skanks later?(that was the night's plan) I decided to go home and wait for him, he seems to always be late for some reason or another. A little background here; I like him, he claims to be straight but teases, and I think he wants me.

So finally he shows up and we take walk where he takes a piss and shows me his dick. Kinda awkward. He says that's he's in a good mood, and that whatever I say he will let me do. Being the little greedy ho I am, I say I want to blow him. Yeah I'm a hussy, but it's not like I do it often.

We take his truck to the park, and there I proceed to give him the "best blow job" He's ever had. Poor guy, I'm don't give head that good. Well I call Emily saying that I want to go to hookah, and to meet me at my house. I change because my shirt has jizzem on it, and we go to Sinbads, a pretty chill hookah & deli place.

Emily invites her booty call, and along with Susie we have a good night talking and smoking. Did I mention that Em's booty call invited a couple of friends, one of which I recognized and thought was a total stud, but that's another story. We smoked all our hookah, and than smoked Angela's as well. We eventually left when em's mom called her and told her she needed to be back home. I asked to be dropped off at Teresa's where I began to feel sick. My world was spinning endlessly as I begged sleep to take me into it's gentle arms. A good way to end at the beginning no?

Happy Thoughts...

P.S.
I'm gonna post another one on my other blog about last night and how I feel about Tory, Check it out!

Bullet Proof...I Wish I Was

Wow. That's all I can say for the past few days. This past weekend I felt so alone and morbid without my editors in town, but now that I'm back in the newsroom I feel like the little pieces of me that were away in New York have all joined back in me. Yes I know that may seem inconceivable to some, and may be kinda odd to most, but the connection I have with my fellow writers is something that cannot be described. In fact, to say anything about it is to just degrade it more, no I cannot say much about what I feel for them, so I won't.

On another more "girly" note, today I had fun with this guy, who for all intents and purposes shall remain named; Shade. This guy is not only a beefed out piece of meat, BUT he is also a smart sweet STRAIGHT guy, I know right? Well let me give you some more information about this guy, not that I'm obsessing(me? no never!)

I started seeing him around in the newsroom from time to time when he would come to check in for his blogging class, the whole time I was curious as to who he was(and if he was part of the family.) When the banquet came around, I was lucky enough, if you call it luck, to sit next to him, where my nervous, idiotic self could barely talk. He seemed like a cool guy and within seconds of talking to him I knew he was straight, but that he was a cool guy none the less. Thus my little infatuation with him semi-dissolved.

Later on, after winter break, I saw him in the newsroom and decided it would be alright to talk to him and see what he was really like. To my general surprise, he was pretty chill, down to earth, and knew music! The first day I really talked to him I was impressed by his openness, and I found it very attractive. I was s shy after that, I began smiling and laughing during our conversations, crazy much right?

I was walking one day after our little talks and saw him eating lunch alone and asked why this was so and told him he could eat in the newsroom. This surprised him and he said he would start eating there when he was on campus. This has made my year.

During the times we have spoken in the newsroom, I have began to come out of my shell more and more with him, and in getting to know him, have realized that he is one of the coolest guys I know. I know this sounds a little freaky and He may read this at some point, to that I would like to say this; "Shade, Your a cool fucker and that's all I feel."

Today was better than ever for two facts;

1) We had to distribute papers and on the walk there talked about shit like the freaky anime creeps, to how unhealthy my lunch was(he's a health freak BTW.)

2) We had a huge discussion about music after he got back, and laughed a lot with Charlye, Jessica, and even Toni. When he was leaving he gave Charlye a hug, Dustin a hug, and he picked me up, kinda in a way. Yeah I pretty much melted. and worst of all, He noticed.

Either way, He is one of the most chill people I have ever met, and am glad he gave me the time of day when a lot of straight people may have been too creeped out by my total creepiness and overly obvious accidental flirtation. Here's to straight guys being cool with the gays.



Happy Thoughts...

Well thought out Twinkles

So as of late my mind has been on a rampage, I cannot sleep, nor can I eat without feeling like I'm doing this wrong, like I'm supposed to continue...Wait, Let me start at the beginning.

Last week I was in one of me little moods, I tend to go through them a lot more now that I'm getting older, and during this particular mood I thought of all the men/guys I have crushed on, gone out with, dated, or fucked. There is a long list on the latter, and what I found was that I was never really happy, and I don't think any of them were either. This led me to take some more time out and think of the future and what I wanted from it. I wanted a good job, I wanted a nice home, and most importantly, I wanted a family. I wanted a sweet husband with a good job, I wanted a few kids that I could love and cherish, I wanted to be the stay at home dad and be the little homemaker.

Is that too much I asked, would I ever get it? Than I took each of those aspects of what I wanted apart and analyzed then bit by bit.

A good job: I could easily do, not a big feat really, I 'm an excellent journalist, and a happy(cough-cough) up-beat person Anytime I apply for a job and get interviewed I get the job, so that's not a big issue.

A nice home: This is a little more complicated because I don't really know where I want to live. I sometimes say by the Beach, other times I say the City, and still other times I say the suburbs. Either way I want a house with a yard, and the possibility of a pet.

Family: This is a lot more complicated. The reason being that I only seem to fall for straight guys. Yeah I have horrible luck in love because the guys I am attracted to tend to be very masculine, and Not many openly gay men are butch. that's all I'm going to say on the matter.

After these thoughts I hit Teresa up on AIM, and told her I was finally giving up on finding love, and what I want, arguing that if I don't hope for anything, I wouldn't be disappointed when it didn't happen. Isn't that a wonderful plan?? Ha ha I think so.

OK so here is an example of what I mean by this:

When my girl friends and I went to a club on Friday night, we met this really hot, sweet, drunk ex-marine. He was 21 and just so damn hot I nearly died. He talked to us for a while, and decided to leave because he was so damn plastered. When we left we saw him standing on the street alone not doing much of anything but surely not going home. We decided that we would take him to his place and not just leave him alone there where he might pass out on the street(I honestly believe God led him to us that night so that he would be safe.) On the drive to his place he was kinda drifting in and out of consciousness, eventually resting his head on my shoulder, his hand on my leg. He was whispering in my ear about how sorry he was that he was so drunk. It made me feel really good to have him on my should and to hold him. This whole event led me to think more about my future(which I shall get into later,) and when he began balling about how his friend was shot in the head, I just wanted to hold him tighter, and closer, wipe away his tears and tell him it would all be alright. He was so vulnerable, and in a way I was too, I let my heart and mind explore, and what they saw scared me. I imagined, this is very unhealthy, him and I somehow falling in love, having a family, and life together. Yes this is a little creepy, but mind you, I didn't plan on it coming true, and I knew it wouldn't it was just wishful thinking on my part. this is why I have given up on love, because I know I will never have something come nearly as close as to how vulnerable and open I was with another human, and I will never never have another guy/man be that open and vulnerable with me.

(un)Happy Thoughts...

Teresa con-carne!

ha ha what a night! So I'm at Teresa's house waiting for her to finish with the camera, we are taking all these pictures, and looking like such idiots, but it's alright. sometimes you need to just let loose, and this is one of the few times she actually is! I'm so happy that she wants to do this.

so along with that, it must be said that I have decided to embrace my more conservative side of the family, rather than shut them out.

That's it for now, but one last thing before I go...I have a new crush, but with my luck in love, he's not into me nor will he ever be!

Happy Thoughts...

Expected disappointment is worse than expected...

So here's what's going on people, I am a Journalist, and there was an opportunity for me to go to New York, BUT it would have meant someone beginning horribly ill. I think this was the initial problem, karma doesn't like it when you hope something bad happens to a person to get what you want. So I was hoping and praying that this woman gets better but is too sick to go. Last night and all day today was just me being excited and hoping that I would be able to go.

I came to school today not planning on pestering the professor for details because she might have gotten pissed and changed her mind. So I went about the day thinking and praying that I would be able to go, and all the while she didn't speak to me, not once, about it.

After much thought I figured she may have not recalled so I chose to ask her about it before I left to a counseling appointment. She called the woman who was ill and spoke for a moment, than my heat stopped, she gave me a look of shear disappointment, the woman was going to go after all. My world collapsed, and though I didn't let it how, I felt like crying. I still do actually.

I had let my hopes run high, something I promised myself I wouldn't let happen. This feeling that I have now kills like a dull knife, the people I love are going to New York for their last time here at this school, without me. It's not that big a deal, I know that I will go next spring, but not with the same people that I would have gladly gone with.

So now I end this on a (semi)positive note; The people who are leaving, are the most talented, creative, supportive people I know, and I am glad that they get this opportunity.

(semi)Happy Thoughts...