Expected disappointment is worse than expected...

So here's what's going on people, I am a Journalist, and there was an opportunity for me to go to New York, BUT it would have meant someone beginning horribly ill. I think this was the initial problem, karma doesn't like it when you hope something bad happens to a person to get what you want. So I was hoping and praying that this woman gets better but is too sick to go. Last night and all day today was just me being excited and hoping that I would be able to go.

I came to school today not planning on pestering the professor for details because she might have gotten pissed and changed her mind. So I went about the day thinking and praying that I would be able to go, and all the while she didn't speak to me, not once, about it.

After much thought I figured she may have not recalled so I chose to ask her about it before I left to a counseling appointment. She called the woman who was ill and spoke for a moment, than my heat stopped, she gave me a look of shear disappointment, the woman was going to go after all. My world collapsed, and though I didn't let it how, I felt like crying. I still do actually.

I had let my hopes run high, something I promised myself I wouldn't let happen. This feeling that I have now kills like a dull knife, the people I love are going to New York for their last time here at this school, without me. It's not that big a deal, I know that I will go next spring, but not with the same people that I would have gladly gone with.

So now I end this on a (semi)positive note; The people who are leaving, are the most talented, creative, supportive people I know, and I am glad that they get this opportunity.

(semi)Happy Thoughts...